Posts Tagged With: Dating

Life’s Challenges

Every day is so unpredictable, sometimes we just don’t know what the day will bring, you know…? Yesterday I had a few ahh ha moments where God infused truth into my mind about some questions I had asked about, some of the answers I didn’t like, to be honest. Yet that’s how truth is, some will surprise you-for sure. We all have those moments where when someone does the unthinkable to you, and you wonder what in the world possessed them to do it. I had a close female friend betray me a few months back, it was a real shocker as I really trusted her and never realized she was that insecure to boldly lie about certain things, to alienate me from certain friends.

Anyhow I got through it and you can too, if you have ever had this or a like situation happen to you. Just know people are delicate trying to find themselves, yet if they interfere in your life in a major way or life path; cut them off. Funny too because I’m often surprised when I find out that a certain person is even jealous of me, seriously ridiculous.  I go through hard times and situations just like everybody else does, if anything mine tend to me be more extreme because I add the spiritual element and some people may not be ready for the message their angel has for them. Yet this is why God put me here to help those in need. I never know the time or the hour or who it will be, I just do it when told. It may sound like an extreme kind of position, yet that’s how it is. Some days are harder than others for sure, as every situation is different; yet when you change someone’s life forever for the positive-words can not describe that. Or you set them FREE from their fears, their family or their past; it really is priceless!

On another subject, I also have many single girlfriends looking for love-my advice to them is make time to date. Sometimes they wonder how I finally found someone. Well easy I told my friends, family, work and many other obligations that I had–“NO” for a certain time. I didn’t mix them in with my other worlds, until we got to know each other one on one and established something solid. Sometimes you have to say no to the “single life” to get the “couple life”, its pretty simple. After being a part of the single group scene for 5.5 years, after my divorce, I knew I had to do something different to get a different result. So I did that. Men or women will give you what you expect. So if you expect very little, that’s what they will give you. If you value yourself and stick to whats really important to you  (like core values) and seek that, you will find it. Someone not wanting the same core values will disappear and you will find the one that wants what you want and want you. Quit chasing men or women who are already taken. Guess what if they ditch someone for you, its likely they may do it again. There are no shortage of single people on the planet. So go shopping.

I say why pretend while dating, how are you going to get what you want if you aren’t yourself while dating, never discuss what you want and waste your time on the wrong match? I did that for many years. I finally learned my lessons. So learn yours and get what you want. God wants that for you, just believe! Whatever it is, sometimes you just need to reflect what can I learn from this and what would I do differently, if anything…. Sometimes that is the lesson. if you cant let go of the small things then your not ready for marriage. Ive done it before-its all about compromise, its just not about you or what you want. Life is like that in general.

On another note today our homeowners association have been battling with attorneys on some street expansion issue with the city. Anyhow, I asked God to put this issue to a close late last night after reading a few of the attorneys emails to the board,  as they sounded like they were going to argue every detail with the city for another 2 years, that’s how long we’ve been fighting this. I just received the email that it has been settled. See God answers prayers. I’m seriously impressed we’ve been in litigation for 2 years and many thousands of dollars later, way past the 100k mark. For a small association, this is a big deal. I’m a little disappointed with 1 of the attorneys who quoted us 15k for this and here we are. We wont even make any money, the money we will receive will solely just replace what we spent on our 2 attorneys. Hows that for crazy. God listens.. yeah!!

Moonmother-Nefertiti

http://www.QueenNefertiti.org

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Categories: Life's Lessons | Tags: , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Inner Peace

I think people sometimes under estimate the value of inner peace. I have seen so many people; men and women grow through break ups, family problems, work issues, friend problems, spiritual, death and  just be completely drained from whatever ordeal they went through. Remember that inner peace is your foundation in life and is truly valuable as all your logical decisions come from that inner peace. Like they say about various products, yet this is about your mind-it’s PRICELESS!

I remember when I went through a divorce some 8 years ago, I was just so happy to be over and done with it. I use to say “boring is good”. Perhaps thats hard to fathom that anyone would wish for a boring life, yet when you go through an emotionally challenging time period in your life, its easy to think and want, really. Yes there’s a lot of excitement in life, so choose it wisely, so there are no real headaches the next day, you know, or like I say crap to clean up.

My ex-husband and I weren’t really as good of a match as I had first thought. Once we lived together he turned out to be a really different person. He would complain about just everything. He was a perfect human being on the outside,  yet a complete mess on the inside. So my advice to all of you men and women, do your homework, really get to know the person when your dating, their families, friends and ask those hard to ask questions. I was in my 20’s at the time and I did what most 20 somethings do and say, “I cant ask those questions”. Its not whether you can or whether you should or not– YOU MUST, especially if you want to get serious with this person. It will be the only way you can possibly figure out if this is just dating fun or marriage material. Trust me, theres nothing worst than getting blindsided, like I did. Do Not let it happen to you.

I spent 3  years in the relationship and probably 3-5 years getting over it. So, next time you date someone who doesn’t quite fit you, ask yourself do you have 8 + years to throw away?

No one will be everything to you, yet I do believe both must see eye to eye on core values such as; spirituality/religion, finances, children, family, temperaments, living arrangements, expectations, etc. Or be able to agree on the differences you have.

I will include different dating tests at some later time.

Heres the 1st one:

write your top 10 core values then rate them between 1-10.

add them up and ask yourself is this good enough for you?

Heres my example:

list                              rate 1-10

1.Spiritual                       8

2. respect                        8

3. Job                              9

4. Family values           9

5. wants children         7

41/50  score: B

Then total the score.

You can the idea, depending on how long you want to make this list. I suggest no more than 15.

Nefertiti,

http://www.QueenNefertiti.org

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Categories: Finding Happiness, Life's Lessons | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Dating game

I am writing this for women looking to find a mate. I hope my insights on dating will help you find TRUE LOVE, as I know it is not an easy task.

English: diamond engagement ring in platinum -...

English: diamond engagement ring in platinum – Maia :

I have many men friends and I do listen to what they tell me it is always valuable when they are being completely honest. And have no interest in you.

1. Be yourself, if they do not like you how you are now, isnt it better to find out now than later? At the end of the day this is not a movie, this is real life. Save the acting for class.

2. Do not chase after men, let them court you. Most men prefer the one they have to chase, so let them. Let them earn the reward of being with you. I know your worth it but he doesn’t know that yet. Its okay to show you are interested. Do not mistake what I mean here.

3. Do not expect too much too soon. Example: a commitment. Let them come to the conclusion that they do not want to share you. Also do not be overly eagerly. Live your life and work them into your life without compromising your needs.

4. Men respect women who respect themselves. Many men will want to date me because I expect more. I believe its psychological, you get what you pay for or in this case willing to work for. If they aren’t willing to give effort now what makes you think they will do it when your married. Of course you will have to do your part but initially let them court you, men can be so primitive.

5. Practice good communication. Those who can accurately communicate their needs and wants nicely wins. Tone is important. No men I know want to date a nag. This can even trigger a memory of someone they dont like in their past, so resist nagging, encourage talking.

6. Positive reinforcement: Always thank them for their efforts and affirm them for whatever they do right. Who wants to give, give, give with no reward? no one, so remember this.

7. Give and Take: as the relationship progresses, remember to give and take. Say he take you to a fancy dinner, its been 3 months, offer to make him dinner. Or if you prefer it be away from either of your homes, buy event tickets somewhere, men appreciate the gesture. I always surprise my Honey with surprise events. Men love interesting women, who love life, people and make life fun. So be willing to try something new if you do not like any of the things he likes or go find another man…lol

8. Be light hearted: Do not take the 1st few dates too serious. Just get to know them, go with the flow. You don’t have to decide to marry each other just yet. Have fun, see if you have things in common.

9. Things to discuss: These are things you should talk about: fundamentals that are important to you. I call these deal breakers. Work them into conversation, do not use ultimatums. Such as if you dont tie your shoe laces this way, Im not going to out with you. Example: Since God is important to me, its fair to say I wouldnt waist my time with someone who doesnt believe in God. Although I respect where they are in their life, I do not need to marry it or fix them. Remember this otherwise you will waste time and have to cut your losses later. Focus on your core values that they must have, say: your top 10, do not make a ridiculous wish list of 50. No one is perfect and you are not dating an imaginary figure from the movies.

10. Never tell a man what to think or what to do: Lets face it, men are smart and they hate being directed. Most of the men I know what to be the leader in a relationship or be in a partnership that is equal. Figure out what kind of man they are. Most men are not going to date someone they feel wants to dominate them. Lead them in conversation where they make their own choice of the outcome. Also allow them to express their view openly without criticism.

11. If you are in your 30’s & want children: consider what amount of time is enough for getting to know a man. Where you will wait for an engagement ring: 6,9,12 months until you get that commitment. If your biological clock is ticking, then it will be your job to make sure your man is on the same page with your biological clock, timing,& long term plans. Men do not worry about this since they can father children until they are 80. Bring it up generally speaking within the first few months to see if you are in alignment with each others wants, values and needs. Yet definitely when you get to the 6 month mark, you will need to decide if they fit the bill, so to speak. As there is no reason to even date a man if you want kids and they don’t. Or they do not see a future with you and you are ready for that level of commitment. You can not change a man, so do not try. It is a big waste of time. It is easier to find a different man, trust me on that one!!! There are 8 billion people on the planet, I am sure there is 1 man out there that wants the same thing you do.

12. Got to date to win. The only way to find a good relationship is to interview with a variety of men to find it. Men do this to us. So keep in mind, they call it single because you are single and free. Free to do as you please until they put a ring on that finger. Yes you need to hear that, because thats how they think. If they are not talking commitment with you its because they don’t want one. Sell them on the benefits of being with you while your dating and let them decide if that is what they are seeking in their life.

To be continued, many exciting dating adventure, stories to share.

Moon Mother, Nefertiti

Www.QueenNefertiti.org

Copyright protected, Nefertiti, All rights reserved. The content of this copy shall remain unchanged; please include this notice if reblogged.

http://www.angelsofthemoonandstars.wordpress.com

Categories: Women vs. Men | Tags: , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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