I am writing this for women looking to find a mate. I hope my insights on dating will help you find TRUE LOVE, as I know it is not an easy task.
I have many men friends and I do listen to what they tell me it is always valuable when they are being completely honest. And have no interest in you.
1. Be yourself, if they do not like you how you are now, isnt it better to find out now than later? At the end of the day this is not a movie, this is real life. Save the acting for class.
2. Do not chase after men, let them court you. Most men prefer the one they have to chase, so let them. Let them earn the reward of being with you. I know your worth it but he doesn’t know that yet. Its okay to show you are interested. Do not mistake what I mean here.
3. Do not expect too much too soon. Example: a commitment. Let them come to the conclusion that they do not want to share you. Also do not be overly eagerly. Live your life and work them into your life without compromising your needs.
4. Men respect women who respect themselves. Many men will want to date me because I expect more. I believe its psychological, you get what you pay for or in this case willing to work for. If they aren’t willing to give effort now what makes you think they will do it when your married. Of course you will have to do your part but initially let them court you, men can be so primitive.
5. Practice good communication. Those who can accurately communicate their needs and wants nicely wins. Tone is important. No men I know want to date a nag. This can even trigger a memory of someone they dont like in their past, so resist nagging, encourage talking.
6. Positive reinforcement: Always thank them for their efforts and affirm them for whatever they do right. Who wants to give, give, give with no reward? no one, so remember this.
7. Give and Take: as the relationship progresses, remember to give and take. Say he take you to a fancy dinner, its been 3 months, offer to make him dinner. Or if you prefer it be away from either of your homes, buy event tickets somewhere, men appreciate the gesture. I always surprise my Honey with surprise events. Men love interesting women, who love life, people and make life fun. So be willing to try something new if you do not like any of the things he likes or go find another man…lol
8. Be light hearted: Do not take the 1st few dates too serious. Just get to know them, go with the flow. You don’t have to decide to marry each other just yet. Have fun, see if you have things in common.
9. Things to discuss: These are things you should talk about: fundamentals that are important to you. I call these deal breakers. Work them into conversation, do not use ultimatums. Such as if you dont tie your shoe laces this way, Im not going to out with you. Example: Since God is important to me, its fair to say I wouldnt waist my time with someone who doesnt believe in God. Although I respect where they are in their life, I do not need to marry it or fix them. Remember this otherwise you will waste time and have to cut your losses later. Focus on your core values that they must have, say: your top 10, do not make a ridiculous wish list of 50. No one is perfect and you are not dating an imaginary figure from the movies.
10. Never tell a man what to think or what to do: Lets face it, men are smart and they hate being directed. Most of the men I know what to be the leader in a relationship or be in a partnership that is equal. Figure out what kind of man they are. Most men are not going to date someone they feel wants to dominate them. Lead them in conversation where they make their own choice of the outcome. Also allow them to express their view openly without criticism.
11. If you are in your 30’s & want children: consider what amount of time is enough for getting to know a man. Where you will wait for an engagement ring: 6,9,12 months until you get that commitment. If your biological clock is ticking, then it will be your job to make sure your man is on the same page with your biological clock, timing,& long term plans. Men do not worry about this since they can father children until they are 80. Bring it up generally speaking within the first few months to see if you are in alignment with each others wants, values and needs. Yet definitely when you get to the 6 month mark, you will need to decide if they fit the bill, so to speak. As there is no reason to even date a man if you want kids and they don’t. Or they do not see a future with you and you are ready for that level of commitment. You can not change a man, so do not try. It is a big waste of time. It is easier to find a different man, trust me on that one!!! There are 8 billion people on the planet, I am sure there is 1 man out there that wants the same thing you do.
12. Got to date to win. The only way to find a good relationship is to interview with a variety of men to find it. Men do this to us. So keep in mind, they call it single because you are single and free. Free to do as you please until they put a ring on that finger. Yes you need to hear that, because thats how they think. If they are not talking commitment with you its because they don’t want one. Sell them on the benefits of being with you while your dating and let them decide if that is what they are seeking in their life.
To be continued, many exciting dating adventure, stories to share.
Moon Mother, Nefertiti
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